There have been so many people speaking Christ to me lately…so many voices merging together into the gentle voice of God. My mentor and friend Pat is in Liberia right now. He shared with me how Christ is there in the dusty, crowded marketplace, in the poverty, in the individual desires for recognition among the people. Many would spiritualize what he’s doing as “more holy”, because he’s living on the edge in a dangerous place…a missionary. He doesn’t see it that way…his journey there is the same as mine here. We seek Christ in the present moment, we encounter our own fears and pride, we lose ourselves in devotion…for him, the response to Christ is in Liberia. For me, the response to Christ is here.
A discussion with another friend led to the topic of fear of change…of the uncomfortableness of uncertainty. In the midst of a dialogue, the words of Christ come through. Uncertainty, fear and anxiety belong. I am uncertain of tomorrow…I have no control, I have no comfort. Yet, right now I respond to Christ…and my response is a letting go, a surrender. Doubt and anxiety are not weaknesses to hide from or cover over with righteous thoughts…they are gifts, for they call us to surrender again and again to the present.
I used to wonder why God seemed to speak so loudly to certain people, and not to me. Now I realize certain people just speak loudly, and maybe they’re hearing from God and maybe they’re not. For me, hearing God has meant stepping into my own life. I used to relate to my own spirituality as though I were a third person observing. “Right now I’m praying…good”. “I went to church today…I feel good now”. ” If I were to pray with these people, what would I say?” I still slip into this sometimes.
Its as though we’re constantly watching ourselves, measuring our own spirituality against some standard…observers of our walk with God, instead of participants. I think this habit is easily picked up in the western church, where spirituality can easily become an exercise of saying and doing the right things, instead of a relationship.
Stepping into our own life with God means acknowledging the reality of the present moment, moment by moment, day by day. It can be raw and real…we’re not always saying and doing the right things, but God calls us to be known anyway. We don’t always feel spiritual, but acknowledging this is true spirituality. God doesn’t always do what we want Him to do…and surrendering to this is as real as it gets.
As I’ve stepped into my own life, I’ve been able to respond to God in the present, even when He seems to be silent. I’m come to accept silence…and as I do, I begin to hear His voice and see His presence in the words of friends, in a dusty crowd of humanity in a foreign world, in the mundane drive to work, in soft moments with my spouse. Christ is here, and He is not silent.
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