Contemplative Christian

Reading this morning…bleary-eyed and exhausted, carrying stress. Psalm 139:

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in – behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too lofty for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

I often forget, in the midst of the weight that life can have sometimes…I forget that I am known. I am sitting in Christ’s presence this morning – brief, anxious, tired, unengaged – not the picture of great spirituality – but it is what it is, and I am known.  I am hemmed in, behind and before…God has His hand on me, and He knows me.  I have nothing.  I have no control.  My reason and intellect cannot get me there; neither can christian language or spiritual thinking.  I cannot earn it, deserve it, ruin it or lose it.   I am known…I am understood….I am loved.   Grace.   My heart aches in response…

Lord, where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.