Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.”
“I tell you the truth,” Jesus answered,” this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.”
But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the other disciples said the same.
-Matthew 26
How many times have I said the same in the heat of conviction, or passion, or in repentance? Inevitably, I find myself on the other side, hearing the rooster crow…
It’s easy to get stuck in this cycle. We earnestly declare our devotion, then we fall away into seeking comfort or escape, into denying Christ’s call to be present. Being present isn’t easy. Life is pain…if we’re honest. Life is also beauty and joy…but it is pain we try to escape from and avoid. We fall into these repetitive cycles of escape … until something wakes us to the reality of where we’ve ended up. For those struggling with addiction, which is surely all of us in one form or another, this cycle should hit close to home. In addiction, we deny what is painful, challenging or difficult. We do what we can to feel right, to feel normal…whether through alcohol, drugs, food, sex, relationships, power, television, shopping or even religion. We find ourselves separated from reality and from Christ…which is sin. Waking up to this truth of our situation is a gift, just as Peter’s terrible moment of truth was a gift.
As we approach Easter, the season of Lent does well to remind us of our attachments and escapes. In every shame and sorrow we carry there lies the potential for a new life. For some of us, it takes incredible courage to face reality. We are not expected to get it right the first time…we will deny Christ, and He knows it. However, as we take tentative steps into what is, as we acknowledge our pain, our shame, our guilt…as we allow ourselves to feel it…allow ourselves to grieve…to feel lost…to feel empty…we can do so knowing that Christ is with us. What follows is grace…the courage to accept forgiveness…the beginnings of seeing ourselves in the eyes of the One who loves us into Life.
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